BEAUTY AND THE BEAST
Cast (mostly) in order of appearance:
An old crone There’s more to her than meets the eye.
Jobsworth Housekeeper to the Beast.
Baron Davenport Captain of the ‘Granddad’s Army’ platoon.
Private Gormless Ancient and incontinent.
Private Carp Mother dominated and totally wet.
Private McKilt A stereotypical Scottish pessimist.
Corporal Smith Old, fumbling and overly enthusiastic.
Sergeant Flash Oily, devious and underhanded.
Percival Valet to the Beast
The Beast Huge, hairy and bad tempered!
The Prince The beast’s alter-ego.
Villagers and shoppers As many as you like.
Children As maids and servants to the Beast.
Synopsis:
In scene one, we witness the night on which the selfish Prince is cursed by an old crone for refusing her the hospitality of his castle. Transformed into a hideous Beast, he is doomed to die in his twenty-first year, unless he can win the love of a young woman.
Beauty’s father, Baron Davenport, is the Captain of the local ‘Dad’s Army’ platoon. During night manoeuvres he stumbles upon the Beast’s castle and is taken prisoner. Beauty gives herself up as a hostage in exchange for her father’s freedom, but her life is safe only while the Beast’s secret is kept.
The villainous Sergeant Flash has designs on Beauty and when she vanishes he uses the Baron’s inability to tell them where she is as an excuse to usurp his rank and replace him as Captain. He then leads the men in an ill-conceived attack upon the Beast’s castle.
In the meantime, romance has blossomed between Beauty and the Beast, encouraged by his servants, Jobsworth and Percival.
In an action packed finale, the Baron is vindicated, Sergeant Flash gets his come-uppance and the Beast is wounded, but Beauty’s love saves him from his curse and everything is made right.
In the first production, we couldn’t find enough men to fill all the roles (isn’t that always the way it goes?) Percival was played by a woman, as was the Prince (in fishnet tights). Amazingly, Corporal Smith was also a woman, behind the false moustache, and was played extremely well.